the silence is killing me

From Twitter 03-12-2010

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 08:04:43 GMT

08:04:54: http://bit.ly/aLQKYy HOLY SHIT, GAGA.
11:55:24: some songs make me think of you. ♫ http://blip.fm/~mq1x3
12:04:05: friends and family... they are all gone now... ♫ http://blip.fm/~mq2nk

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listening to "Other Lives--Paper Cities" on Blip

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:04:08 GMT

friends and family... they are all gone now...

From Twitter 03-09-2010

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:04:49 GMT

14:18:12: I just made a beautiful matsterpiece with #Scrapblog titled "art career". LOL... Check it out here: http://bit.ly/beP9QB
19:35:18: made a scrappy work of art about my mom. #Scrapblog titled "MOM". Check it out here: http://bit.ly/9y1Wrz

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From Twitter 02-28-2010

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:04:57 GMT

00:33:09: working on my love themed shrine for craftychica contest. http://yfrog.com/4i9wauj
08:32:15: http://twitpic.com/15ugdo [pic] ----craftychica love shrine contest entry----- http://bit.ly/aVcSro [flickr]

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From Twitter 02-27-2010

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:05:13 GMT

12:34:36: Film Trailer for Jean-Michel Basquiat: The Radiant Child http://tinyurl.com/yap4haa

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From Twitter 02-24-2010

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:05:10 GMT

10:12:14: NEW blog update. ENJOY! http://bit.ly/ckqHq0

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From Twitter 02-23-2010

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 08:05:07 GMT

02:01:58: http://paperballet.livejournal.com/ updated the ol blog.
23:14:29: New Paisley themed scrapblog I created! http://tinyurl.com/ygy6tvy
23:14:51: @darcydarcym my brother's name is james stewart

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From Twitter 02-21-2010

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 08:04:37 GMT

16:18:23: @paperballet: "music to get lost in..." ♫ http://blip.fm/~lfxbw

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listening to "Ruxpin - When Dialog Fails, It's Time For Violence" on Blip

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:18:25 GMT

@paperballet: "music to get lost in..."

From Twitter 02-20-2010

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 08:04:34 GMT

01:37:19: writing a new blog. what can i say? i'm a sucker for blogging.
19:57:30: finally got my huge 8 ft painting hung in our bedroom. it's SO rad. http://yfrog.com/2e9klj

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From Twitter 02-15-2010

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:04:07 GMT

09:57:23: @CraftyChica i love that look on the resin paper. did you do both sides, or just the front?
10:01:42: "Flower" is just... the best game E=V=E=R.
16:42:57: Volbeat - Say Your Number: http://blip.fm/~l1jgs - because sometimes you need to rock out.
16:56:51: RT @failbooking Funny Facebook Status Messages and Posts – FailbookingI hope you’re couch is comfortable. « http://bit.ly/cK6QRL

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my weekend

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:39:03 GMT

has been amazing. no, not amazing, just, unbelievably good. don't tell Me you can't teach an old couple new tricks!

we had the best time in Tulsa. when we arrived at the party, i was a bit skittish. any bdsm party that requires out of towners to RSVP and then when you get there you have to tromp through a muddy, rocky parking lot in an old warehouse just makes hardly any sense. but we got in and the fun began. i recognized people and poets from fetlife [website] and it was pretty cool. instantly, people started showing off toys, a Domme putting a naked pigtailed girl on a st. andrew's cross... and cupcake eating and chatting commenced.

after wes got more comfortable, i had his shirt off and had him cuffed and clipped in on the cross. i flogged, ball chain flogged, belt whipped, spanked, massaged with Fukuoku gloves. if you have not tried the gloves, or the ball chain flogger, i suggest you try them. i have had them in my toy bag for some time and the gloves are just amazing. i ran my vibrating fingers over several female subs there and got gloriously moany, whimpering reactions for "more, please... more." yummy. :)

of course, i had to hide my 7 inch platform boots, so i wore legwarmers and an oversized hoodie when i went outside for any reason. it was fine, though, because i just took my clothes off when i got back inside. later, wes got onto the medical table and i walked around him as he writhed in bind-folded pleasure/torture. i love kissing him standing over him, upside down. it's a very toppish/control thing to do. he was one of only two male submissives that evening, so i had to make him feel extra confident. he was so awesome! i was very proud.

we ended our night with talk of his tummy being in pain, and me being totally high from beating his ass all night. we went out for mcdonald's chicken nuggets and fries and returned to our hotel suite where the really fun action happened. i won't give all the details, but it was a very rewarding experience for both of us. we both wept a bit in the other's arms and it reiterated once again that he and i are SO meant to be together.

the next day we woke up to snow on the ground as we walked onto the balcony of our suite. so romantic. i was cheesy and told him that "we were so hot last night, mother nature had to make it snow to cool things down." i know. i'm a goof ball. we drove to the Philbrook museum and saw some wonderful paintings and sculptures and i bought some nice clay for paisley at the gift shop. there is nothing like a bdsm party and sexy time night followed by a day of art. so perfect.

finally we drove home and had another special evening with our daughter paisley and completed a fancy italian dinner with a sparkler dessert. [chocolate cake, ice cream and a giant sparkler in a wine bottle for show] paisley got lots of valentine's gifts because i am a spoiler mommy. we colored and she talked about how she wants to write a book together with illustrations for kids. i came home, put on my comfy clothes and talked low for the rest of the evening as i read my new craft magazine and wes played "Flower".

i went to bed with a sigh. full of contentment and joy.
i finally feel like i am living the life i deserve.

ooh la la bitches

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:33:47 GMT

enjoy. I'll be whipping your round ass later.

play time

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 22:06:21 GMT

going to a bdsm party in tulsa.
should be interesting and fun.
bringing a cake, cookies, fukouku gloves
and several floggers.
and some pretty lucky boy is going to get to give me some boot love.

how much is too much?

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:01:01 GMT

so, for example, porn in the 70s... tamer? maybe.
in 2010, it's nothing to find a woman with a toilet seat around her neck and some guys cumming and pissing on her.

i'm just really interested in why some men take it to this whole other level of gross, while some of it is "normal?"

why do men these days have to objectify a woman more and more to get off?

From Twitter 02-07-2010

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:04:31 GMT

14:06:36: I bet I can name more he-man characters than you. :)
http://yfrog.com/4ff4vhj

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wow.

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 15:00:56 GMT

i saw the pictures of me from this past gallery opening on somebody's facebook page- and all i can say is it's SO time for me to have weight loss surgery. i'm sorry, i just can't do this any more. it happened so gradually, i guess i didn't really see it. it's heart-fucking-breaking. i never thought i'd gain this weight back.

From Twitter 02-05-2010

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:03:52 GMT

16:17:29: sometimes i feel like the world stole my internet.

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poem #2510

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:35:03 GMT

i have a picture frame
of toes and hands
bed sheets & sloppy hair;
cold, lonely memories
collected in a bedside
tray, organized
into a half-heart shape.

i miss feeling sick
to my stomach love
which hurts and blooms
and makes me want to
live and write
& have purpose beyond
peonies, awards...
dizzying
do-it-before-you-can-think
days that leave me spent.
nothing to give.

what of "me" is left?
the scars of cutting? the
letters i wrote to you?
a picture in a file on
my hard drive that nobody
knows exists?

my own memories are like
little secret messages
in smudged glass bottles
that only i know are there.
it's a bit like being a
stranger in your own home.
not a prisoner, but a
picture of a homeless man who
used to work on wall street.

horny

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:15:02 GMT

my career path is going well. i'm on it. i was just asked to do a feature in a magazine about my collages as well as asked to be in another magazine about home decor and art. was also asked to be in a very nice decorator's shop selling my handiworks. so i am well in that arena.

what i'd really like to tell someone is how badly i want to be fucked good and hard. how much i miss it. how much i think about being on a hard cock pretty much using it at my total whim. i used to like old men. then i didn't. now i do a bit again. i just realized the old men are closer to my age now s'all.

i feel like i've been putting on my fucking game face for a long time now. i need a break from it. i need to go some place and be nameless. just another woman in a crowd... i'd love for that crowd to be old naked perverts waiting in line to fuck my brains out- but alas... monogamy and all.

sold three pieces of work last night at opening.
i have another show in a week. large pieces there.

i don't mean to brag, but i have had so many publishings and shows in such a short time, i really don't know how to handle everything in an organized fashion. i seriously don't even have an updated portfolio.

why don't i write any more?
why did neal have to basically die in order to move on?
why do i care about it so much?
why can't i just stop eating?
why don't i tell wes i want to fuck people?
how can i let go of my fears?
who would want to fuck me anyway?

bleh.
i bet being a female prison warden is like the awesomest job in the entire world.

From Twitter 02-01-2010

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 08:03:59 GMT

01:30:23: i am a very ugly girl. haha. why is it already 12:30am? GRrrr! http://yfrog.com/3ncogjj
12:10:50: @unhappyhipsters -i wish you could do this full time for my selfish entertainment. your site is the berries. :D

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Mon, 01 Feb 2010 06:39:34 GMT

I have been diligently working on art throughout the winter storm. new show. nay, 2 new shows this week, and I'm curating another.

I have been attack of the green mucus woman this week. they found a lump in my breast. they think it's benign cyst but have to measure it every 6 months for up to 2 years to be sure.

other than that, who cares?
mo money mo problemz.

I am starting to phear penis.
anyone have a clean vagina they wanna share?

From Twitter 01-29-2010

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 08:03:53 GMT

03:05:10: best ad. EVER. -- Mr. W http://youtu.be/2mTLO2F_ERY
03:10:23: oh em gee. Meredith Dittmar Interview http://ow.ly/1nIOVL
14:46:08: snow is awe sum! http://yfrog.com/4ia8oxj

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From Twitter 01-28-2010

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 08:04:07 GMT

11:23:25: TWCi profile

TWCi RT @XcelEnergySPS: About 4K customers w/o power in TX Panhandle/S. Plains.
11:24:08: i'm guessing this "ice storm" is pretty real... SIGH. i'm getting my damn s'mores and likker ready!
11:30:12: #ARwx <--hashtag for arkansas weather during the ice storm. please retweet.

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From Twitter 01-27-2010

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 08:04:49 GMT

13:10:44: tonight's collage class: Google lyrics containing the word "heart", this is the title. also a heart must be used some place in the piece!

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